I had the wonderful opportunity to attend my cousin’s wedding this weekend. It was a gorgeous (and very humid) ceremony in New Orleans. Let’s just say that New Orleans in late July might be the closest place to the sun on earth. Heat aside, what a joyful time it was for the family and friends of these two. Along with my family, I was so proud of this cousin, where he’s been, where he’s come, and where he’s going. He will be a great husband to this lovely woman of God as they grow in new ways, and they have the support of loving families. That said, there is no doubt my cousin has had a mischievous past, and no one at the rehearsal dinner would relent on the colorful, hilarious stories.
 
Toasting had become roasting. Time after time, person after person would relate their first impressions of my cousin, fingering each personality defect they could remember and telling a tale to serve as an example. My sides hurt from laughing, and my brow hurt from cringing. When the last glass was raised, there didn’t seem to be a stone left unturned, whether the groom liked it or not, and it was fairly painful. I’m not sure I would have been as great a sport as he was, for which I can admire him even more.
 
The conversations following the rehearsal dinner were curious, expressing the dominant sentiment: that’s just the way things are when we get together. This weekend is to be beautiful, happy, and celebratory (and it will be), but it’s still up for our interpretation, and this is the way we are as a group.   
 
I am adept at identifying my inability to change as personality traits that others need to accept (i.e. I always run late, that’s just my sense or humor, I enjoy attention, I don’t really enjoy exercising). As long as I establish my faults as hardwired, then the burden is on others to accept me the way I am. I need not accept responsibility. Now, apply that logic to a group of people, and the trait becomes exponentially harder to amend. You find that the older the relationships, the more ingrained and immovable the personality and habits – these older relationships are also likely to be the most sensitive to criticism. A group personality requires each person in the group to take responsibility for it and enact change.   Encourage that iron sharpen iron in every relationship, in yourself and in others.